Breastfeeding: Why "Best" Shouldn't Mean "At Any Cost"
Confessions of a pediatrician and mom of three: When a bottle of formula is an act of love.
I am writing this while looking at the world through three different lenses. The first is the lens of a pediatrician with 15 years of experience, who knows everything about the biological benefits of breast milk. The second is that of a breastfeeding consultant, skilled at solving the most complex latching issues. But the most important is the third: the lens of a mother of three. And it was this role that taught me something they don’t teach in medical school: sometimes, “what’s best for the baby” isn’t breast milk. It’s a calm, well-rested mother who doesn’t feel guilty because her journey looks different from the perfect pictures on social media.
The ocean of responsibility and the illusion of control
In medicine, everything seems logical: there is a protocol, and there is a result. But when you bring your first baby home, that sense of control crumbles. I remember trying so hard to be perfect with my first child. I thought if I did everything “by the book,” the result would be guaranteed. But children aren’t algorithms; they are an entire ocean.
With each new child, I realized: motherhood isn’t about how to hold the rudder during a storm, but about learning how to swim. We spend so much energy apologizing for not being “who we were” before giving birth. But postpartum isn’t six weeks. It’s a rebirth that lasts a lifetime. And on this journey, what we need is self-compassion, not rigid slogans.
The path from exhaustion to expertise
My career as a breastfeeding consultant didn’t start in a university office, but in my own kitchen during moments of total exhaustion. With my first son, I struggled until he was four months old. He was gaining only 200 grams a month, and I was drowning in postpartum depression - though back then, I didn’t even have a name for it. With my second son, I gave up after just one month. There was no support, my older child needed me, and the newborn was constantly at my breast. I was depleted and didn’t even realize that tools existed to help me.
It was only after the birth of my third daughter, when I became a certified consultant, that I realized: my journey wasn’t a “failure.” It was the experience that taught me the most important thing - to see the woman behind the feeding protocol. If ten years ago someone had told me, “Anna, a bottle of formula isn’t a failure; it’s your way to survive and remain a loving mother,” my life would have been so much easier. Now, I am the one saying this to other women.
Breastfeeding is not a solo act: The power of support
This experience taught me another vital truth: the success of breastfeeding doesn’t just depend on the mother; it depends on her support system. In my first two experiences, I was alone. Household chores, work, older children - everything was on me, and I was simply burning out. But everything changed with the birth of my daughter. In my second marriage, my husband took over the entire household burden, leaving me with only one main task: to be with the baby and nurse her.
This support gave me more than just physical strength; it gave me the mental space to study and become a breastfeeding consultant while still at home. It was this foundation that allowed me to recover quickly, gain confidence, and nurse my daughter for over two years. I saw firsthand that when a mother’s hands are freed from chores, her heart is freed for her child. Support from those around us isn’t just a “nice to have”; it’s the foundation without which the whole system often collapses.
My manifesto: A happy mom is more important than the protocol
That’s why today, when I consult mothers, I don’t just check the baby’s latch or weight gain. I check if the mother is “breathing.” I look to see if she has resources, if she has support, and if she is drowning in guilt.
My mission as a physician and a consultant isn’t to make you breastfeed at any cost. My job is to help you find balance in this vast ocean of responsibility. Breast milk is a wonderful gift, but a happy, calm, and healthy mother is a vital necessity for the baby. If on your journey, the “best” decision for your family turns out to be a bottle of formula or mixed feeding - I will be the first one to support you. Because I know that love isn’t measured in milliliters; it’s measured by your peace of mind and the bond you build with your child.
How was your journey? Did you feel supported, or were you fighting alone? Was there a moment when you just needed someone to say, “You’re doing okay, and you will get through this”?
Please share your story in the comments - this is a safe space for every mother.
I really admire how you speak to both sides of this—the clinical understanding and the lived reality. It’s so validating to hear someone in your position say that sometimes the “best” choice is the one that preserves a mother’s peace. There’s so much grace in that! 🤍
I did feel pressure to nurse, and it was stressful trying to produce enough milk with both of my sons. Once I ended up combo feeding with both formula and breastmilk, I was so much calmer. It was almost like having a scarcity mindset because my milk stash wasn’t enough. And that’s not sustainable for mother or baby. Thank you for bringing so much compassion into this conversation—a calm supported mother truly is best.