Eating Behavior: Why our adult "bugs" start in the nursery chair
Why a happy mom and a safe environment are more powerful than any feeding protocol.
Have you ever caught yourself finishing a plate even though you were full long ago? Or found that your only joy after a grueling day is something sweet, eaten in silence in the kitchen?
Many of us, as adults, live with a “broken” connection to our own bodies. We eat when we are bored, scared, or simply exhausted. But I want you to know: this is not your fault, and it isn’t a lack of willpower. It is simply old “software” installed in our early childhood - often with the best of intentions.
As a pediatrician, I see how the psychology of our relationship with food grows from those very first spoonfuls of puree. And today, I want to give every mother a virtual hug and say: we can give our children a different, freer, and healthier foundation.
How the “forbidden fruit” is born
In psychology, there is a closed loop: Restriction → Intense Craving → Binge → Guilt. For us adults, this manifests as dieting. For children, it is born the moment we divide food into “bad” and “good.”
Remember the classic: “Finish your soup first, and then you can have a cookie”? In that moment, without meaning to, we make an engineering error:
1. We “assign” the soup to be a boring obstacle that must be endured.
2. We elevate the cookie to the status of a “super-prize.”
This is how a child learns to ignore their body’s signals for the sake of a reward. Twenty years later, that same person will reward themselves with food for any life “soup” (like stress at work or family problems).
Three scenarios we pass down
Sometimes we don’t even notice how we transmit our own habits to our children:
“Eat while it’s there” (External type): When we pressure a child to eat because “it’s lunchtime” or because “grandma worked hard on this,” we teach them to rely on external rules rather than their own stomach.
“Food as a band-aid” (Emotional type): When we soothe a crying toddler with a cracker or a piece of candy, the brain remembers: “Food is the fastest way to feel that everything is okay.”
“Food as control” (Restrictive type): Rigid bans and controlling every crumb strip a child of their most important asset - the skill of self-regulation.
Hunger vs. Appetite: How to keep the natural gift
Infants are little geniuses of self-regulation. They will never drink an extra milliliter of milk if they are full. Our task is simply not to interfere with this magic.
Physical Hunger is a signal from the body that it needs fuel.
Appetite is an impulse in the head that wants “something special.”
When we talk a child into “one more spoon for mommy,” we train their brain to turn off the satiety sensor. An adult whose sensor is broken simply doesn’t know how to stop in time.
My Manifesto: You are the chief safety officer, not a guard
I always say: your peace of mind is more important than any protocol. You shouldn’t be standing over your child with a scale. Your role is to create a safe environment:
1. Food is just food. It isn’t “heroic” or “criminal.” It just has different nutritional benefits.
2. A child’s “No” is law. If they say, “I’m full,” we believe them more than we believe our own eyes. This is the foundation of their future relationship with themselves.
3. Food is not a tool. Not a way to punish, not a way to reward, and not a way to keep a child quiet while you are busy.
A takeaway for the heart
We cannot go back to our own childhood and rewrite our scenarios. Но we can be the parents who allow our children to grow up free from the “cult of the plate.” When we start solids, we aren’t just building a child’s muscles and bones - we are building their inner freedom.
Let’s speak honestly: What phrase from your childhood still echoes in your head at the dinner table? “You can’t leave until you finish”? Or “Sweets are only for holidays”?
Please share your stories in the comments. Sometimes, to change our children’s future, we just need to admit our own adult struggles. I am right here with you. 👇