If I could go back to that morning...

Why my knowledge as a pediatrician couldn't save my breastfeeding journey: 10 lessons on reclaiming your confidence and resource.

A letter to the one who currently "cannot breathe"

I see you. You are sitting on the edge of the bed at 3 a.m., and the glow from your phone screen is the only lighthouse in this endless night. You are googling “weight gain milestones,” “how to put a baby down without using hands,” and “why is he crying,” while a cold knot of anxiety tightens in your chest. It feels like motherhood is an exam that you fail every time you cannot soothe the baby’s tears or when you simply want to be left alone.

I know that feeling - when you are afraid to sit down so you don’t “spoil” them, and you don’t lie down next to them so they don’t “get used to it.” I know what it’s like to feel like a bad mother simply because you are deathly exhausted. I am writing this to you with 15 years of medical experience and three children behind me, but above all - I am writing this as a woman who has walked through postpartum depression, empty weight charts, and a loss of confidence herself.

If I could, I would simply take that list of “correct” advice away from you and help you take your first deep breath in a long time. Let us dispel the myths that are currently keeping you from seeing what truly matters.

f I could go back to that morning...

I have been in medicine for over 15 years, and for a large part of that time, I have consulted mothers as a pediatrician. But when my first sons were born, all my diplomas did not save me from a feeling of total helplessness. Today, I understand: it wasn’t a lack of knowledge that hindered me, but the “black holes” of old deep-seated beliefs. It was these very myths that fueled my depression and prevented me from successfully breastfeeding my first two boys.

If I could go back, I would help myself see what is hidden behind the numbers and rules.

Test weighing - a trap for the brain

I tried to weigh the baby “before and after” every feeding. These numbers became my only measure of success. In reality, this is a path to immense stress. When a mother frantically monitors the grams, her amygdala blocks the release of oxytocin, and the milk flows poorly. Trust the baby, not the scales.

The “oatmeal diet” deprives you of resources

I believed that my diet had to be as restricted as possible. But the physical exhaustion of the mother leads directly to emotional burnout. A mother needs variety to have the strength simply to be present.

Proximity cannot “spoil”

I was told: “Don’t pick them up too often, or you’ll spoil them.” But an infant physiologically needs a mother’s warmth so that their nervous system can learn to calm down. Being in your arms is not a whim; it is a basic need for safety.

The search for the “ideal protocol” kills intuition

I tried to be “correct” according to the textbook, but life with a child doesn’t fit into regulations. When we blindly follow instructions, we stop hearing ourselves and our baby. Yet, it is your connection that is the most accurate navigator.

Co-sleeping is not a crime, but a form of rest

I fought for a separate crib until I was completely exhausted. Later, after studying Dr. James McKenna’s approach, I realized: sleeping nearby is a biological norm that helps the whole family get enough sleep and feel at peace.

Feeding by the clock steals your connection

Waiting for the “right time” instead of reacting to the child’s signals forces a mother to ignore her feelings. Feeding on demand is the natural adjustment of your shared rhythm.

The myth of “not good enough” milk

The thought that my milk was “empty” or that there was “not enough” destroyed my confidence. But biology is wise: the composition of milk perfectly adjusts to the needs of your specific child at that specific hour.

Pain during breastfeeding is not a norm

I thought I just had to “endure” it. But pain is always a signal that something needs to be adjusted, such as the latch.

Motherhood should not be a path through suffering.

Household perfectionism vs. sleep

I spent hours ironing clothes on both sides. Now, my iron is long in the past, and it was one of my best choices for preserving my resources. A clean sheet will not replace a well-rested mother for a child.

Your state is the foundation of everything

The most important thing I’ve realized after 15 years of practice and three children: a happy mom is more important than any protocol. If you are “not breathing” under the weight of rules - discard them. Your calm is the very environment in which a child grows up healthy.

Motherhood is not a list of tasks to be performed “perfectly.” It is a journey where sometimes you just need to stop, exhale, and allow yourself to be not perfect, but alive.

Which of these beliefs is keeping you from breathing today? Let’s discuss how to let go of the unnecessary.